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-Insert clever title here-

“I know you’re cheating on your wife”, I remarked casually to the man as we left the boardroom. “I beg your pardon?” he said, his pitch changing, his smooth, suave business executive demeanour quickly giving way to shock and indignation. I experienced a moment of instant satisfaction as I observed the guilt and shock written all over his face. I hadn’t met this man before today, but I had just spent three hours sitting in a meeting which he had chaired. He had turned an interactive session into a lecture, instructing when he should have been discussing. I had been so bored that I had spent the last 30minutes fantasizing about how I was going to wipe his smug condescending smile off his face.

I didn’t know or care if he was cheating on his wife. He probably was though, he seemed like the type. “Oh it’s nothing” I said, following my statement with a tinkling laugh. He was too flustered to do anything but laugh along and then quickly excuse himself to go to the gents. It was a delicious moment. Moments like these get me through the drudgery.

My day job, involves quite a lot of meetings, presentations, and general networking, which for a girl of my awkward disposition can be very daunting. But I do what I gotta  do. I’m trying hard to perfect the firm handshake, the bland polite smile, the corporate jargon, and all the other annoying but necessary tools of business networking. And I’m getting quite good at it, even if I say so myself. However every once in a while, I have to suppress the urge to scream.

As I looked around the boardroom earlier, observing their nods and polite smiles as they listened to Mr c.e.o ramble on about leveraging our assets and adding value by incentivising dynamic solutions and the dynamic ever-changing environment, I felt like I was looking at a bunch of sheep. Well dressed, well groomed intelligent sheep, but sheep nonetheless. I was restless and irritated, knowing that I also had a bland smile plastered on my face and was nodding along with the other sheep. That was when I started to plan my little moment. I had to get him for this. I had to see him squirm.

I’m back at my desk now, with a load of deadlines looming ahead. It’s time for me to sign off and go leverage my core competencies and metricize the flow of some deliverables. See I told you I was quite good at it. Every time I ask myself why the hell I came back to this, I comfort myself by thinking about the big picture. My plan is unravelling slowly but surely. I could tell you about it so you too can marvel at my genius and utter amazingness, but we’ll leave that for another day. You see, the wolf may dwell in the sheepfold for certain purposes, but the wolf must eventually discard the sheep’s clothing and reveal its true nature. One cannot consent to creep when one feels the need to soar.

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About thehedonisticnigerian

She's fond of Chocolates,Coffee,Books,Neosoul,Jazz,Art(visual&performing),Writing,Nigerian culture,natural hair, nutella and alcohol among other things. She seeks and finds pleasure in not so obvious places and likes to look people in the eyes till they look away.Her behaviour sometimes resembles that of a decadent roman noblewoman and sometimes,a Lagos tout.

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